OREGON’S PROGRESSIVE ADOPTION LAWS

Last month, the issue of step-parent adoptions was addressed in SK&H Insider. This month’s article is the second installment on the subject of adoption, with a focus on post adoption contact between a birth parent and the child (adoptee).

In 1983, the Voluntary Adoption Registry was initiated to facilitate communication between a birth parent, adoptee, sibling of the adoptee, and other eligible relatives of the adoptee. The Oregon Department of Human Services maintains the Registry. In order to utilize the Registry, the adoption must have taken place in Oregon. The Registry is a passive system, and is dependant upon the adoptee’s participation in the service. Birth parents, siblings, and eligible relatives of an adoptee register by filing the appropriate paperwork and enrolling in the Mutual Consent Registry. If the adoptee has also registered, non-identifying information, such as medical histories, are exchanged. Amazingly, DHS’ adoption records extend as far back as the 1920’s. Adoption records themselves are not open to inspection and, as a general rule, are never disclosed.

In 1993, the Oregon legislature established the Assisted Search Program, which allows adoptees and birth parents, siblings, and eligible relatives to exchange identifying information, including names and addresses. Registration with the Mutual Consent Registry is a pre-requisite to the Assisted Search Program. All searches are confidential and identifying information is only exchanged if the person being sought consents after being contacted. An adoptee must be 18 years of age to participate in the Program.

As long as an adoption was finalized in Oregon, an adoptee over the age of 2 1can obtain a copy of their original birth certificate. This right was established by initiative in Oregon in November of 1998. Measure 58 made national headlines and was featured on National Public Radio, NBC’s Today Show, and newspapers throughout the nation. At the heart of the controversy - a group of birth mothers who argued that the measure violated past assurances of confidentiality. Although the measure passed in 1998, the first requests for birth certificates were not processed until May of 2000, after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled on the matter.

Raising Good Kids: Self-Esteem vs. Entitlement

Parents want to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem in our children. Unfortunately, along the way, it is all too easy to shift the balance away from developing a healthy sense of self-esteem, and toward creating an undesirable sense of entitlement in our children.

Raising a child to have a healthy sense of self-esteem means developing an individual who embraces life with confidence, and pursues realistic goals and rewarding relationships. Basing self-esteem on generalities doesn’t do children any good, so when talking with your kids, be specific.

A well-adjusted child benefits from praise of actions and behavior. Praise should acknowledge the effort, not a child’s traits. It is better to say “you worked really hard” (if they did) rather than “you are so smart.” Praise should be mixed with discipline for inappropriate behaviors and actions. “Discipline” is the “training that develops self-control, character, or orderliness and efficiency.” The opposite is “indulge” which implies “a yielding to the desires of oneself or another.”

Sometimes parents indulge children thinking this will help them to feel good about themselves. Parents become generous with material possessions – giving children the best toys, sports equipment, bedroom furnishings, televisions, video equipment, cell phones, cars. We allow them too much freedom, or we provide too much help thinking we’re ensuring they’ll feel good about themselves and their life.
Unfortunately, it does not typically work out this way, and the child struggles in life with a misguided sense of entitlement.

Ultimately, we all want the best for our children. A healthy belief in oneself allows a person to lead a well-rounded life with the confidence to make the right choices.

Oregon’s Progressive Adoption Laws

Rarely does a family law attorney handle a case that does not involve the possible break up of a relationship, married or unmarried. The process can be traumatic to all involved, especially the children. One exception to this rule is a stepparent adoption. While all adoptions involve the termination of one parent-child relationship and the creation of a new one, stepparent adoptions celebrate the relationship between a parent, their current spouse or partner, and the child. Through the adoption process, the adoptive parent is legally transformed into the child’s “biological parent”, with all of the attendant rights, responsibilities, and obligations.

In most instances, a biological parent who relinquishes his or her rights (or has them terminated by the court) has not played a significant role in the child’s life. In the saddest of cases, this parent may have actually abandoned the child.

Oregon is at the forefront of progressive adoption practices. It is not uncommon for individuals outside of the state to seek adoptions in Oregon in order to take advantage of these progressive practices. How does Oregon differ from other states? First, Oregon allows a broad range of persons to qualify as adoptive parents. Marital status, age, income level, and home ownership are not prohibitive barriers to adoption. An adoptive parent may be married or in a committed relationship. Second, Oregon laws allow a relinquishing parent to maintain some degree of contact with a child. Under certain circumstances, this parent may continue to have limited contact with the child. The quality and nature of any continuing contact may range from a limited exchange of photos to periodic visits with the child. This is a very radical departure from the practices in most states. Finally, in the early 1980s, Oregon established the Voluntary Adoption Registry to aid adopted children, birth parents, related siblings, and other persons in anonymously exchanging information regarding their genetic, medical, and social histories. In the early 1990s, the Assisted Search Program was developed to allow adopted children, birth parents, related siblings, other family members to register on a mutual consent registry. If all parties consent, and after the appropriate paperwork is filed, identifying information can be released.

To reiterate, stepparent adoptions are a celebration of the existing emotional bonds and commitments that people make when they enter into a relationship with another person who is a parent from a prior relationship. The joy of such events is shared by all involved: the adoptive parent, their spouse or partner, the courts, and last, but not least, the child.

On Arts

If you have never really listened to Jazz music before, Miles Davis’ classic record, Kind of Blue, is a great starter album. If you do like Jazz and do not have this album in your collection, put it on the must buy list. Recorded in the spring of 1959, it is considered by many to be one of the greatest albums ever recorded, or at the very least, one of the greatest Jazz albums. Jazz is a truly American art form. Flowing out of American blues and popular European music, Jazz began life in the early 20th century. The artists made each song their own by finding new ways to do improvisational solos. It is to those roots in blues and improvisation that Miles Davis returned for Kind of Blue. When Miles Davis brought together some great improvisational Jazz artists, his desire was to keep the overall structure simple and let their creative energies give the songs beauty. John Coltrane, Cannonball Adderley, Bill Evans, Wynton Kelly, Paul Chambers and Jimmy Cobb worked together to create music that is quite complex while still seemingly simple. The reason Kind of Blue is such a great album is due to its’ listenablilty. To enjoy this album you need not know anything about Jazz music, or any music at all, for that matter. Kind of Blue is the type of album that works for any situation. It can be background music in an intimate setting or a party. On the other hand, if you are the type of person who likes to close your eyes and just listen—this album has enough going on that you will be fascinated for the length of it.

Tax Tips: Getting the Most Out of Your Legal Expenses

As you or your accountant scrutinize every possible deduction that you may claim, you may be wondering if legal expenses are deductible. As a general rule, attorney fees in connection with divorce or custody matters are not deductible. However, there are a few exceptions to the rule. First, attorney fees are deductible if they are used to secure income for you through the negotiation, collection, or modification of spousal support. Furthermore, if your attorney used experts, such as an accountant, to assist in any of those actions, that expert’s fees may also be deductible. Similarly, attorney fees to secure an interest in your spouse’s retirement plan, royalties, or residuals may also be deductible. The second exception allows attorney fees to be deducted when incurred through establishing or defending your title to property. For example, if during your divorce your attorney had to defend your right to your separate property so that it would not be divided, then these fees may be deductible. Finally, attorney fees are deductible if used for tax planning advice. In the context of family law, tax planning can take many forms. For instance, fees for the following may all be deductible:

• Preparing a settlement agreement that assures tax-deductible support payments.
• Estate planning that ensures proper gift and estate tax for monetary or property division.
• Legal work that maximizes the deductible portion of spousal support.
• Expert advice regarding the tax consequences of divorce or separation agreements.
• Gathering information for the preparation of tax returns.
• Negotiating who gets to take your children’s dependency tax exemptions.
• Determining the tax basis for assets in a property settlement.
• Structuring a property division for desired tax benefits.

Deductible attorney’s fees are treated as “miscellaneous itemized deductions,” and generally are deductible to the extent they exceed 2% of your adjusted gross income. In order to take advantage of these deductions, ask your attorney to send you a letter that expressly identifies the deductible fees. Then ask your accountant about these deductions, so that you can make the most of your return.

Stewardship Parenting: Why Children Come First

By Jody Stahancyk

Senior Shareholder

Non-custodial parents who are assets to their children never blame the other lawyers, the other parent, their own lawyers, or even the system for the “loss” of a child. Rather, they tend to their own garden and build meaningful relationships with their children. Good parents are, first and foremost, stewards to their children.

Merriam-Webster defines stewardship as “the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one’s care.” Stewardship parenting is accepting and embracing the idea that your role as a parent is to help children, from their birth until your death, to be the best they can be. It is an ever- evolving process.

Ways of Communication

By Freddy Heath

Director of Communications

Proper communication is one of the keys to having successful relationships in both personal and professional life. If you have ever heard someone utter the phrase, “That’s not what I meant when I said that,” you know how easily miscommunication can enter into any situation.

The responsibility for clear communication always lies with the speaker. You must know your audience and communicate so the person to whom you are speaking will hear exactly what you want them to hear. Let’s take a look at some of the styles of communication we all encounter – both helpful and unhelpful.

Frank Manners

Dear Frank Manners,

Ten years ago, I decided to put my career on hold so I could stay at home and raise my two boys. Now that they are older, I have decided to re-enter the workforce.

It has been a while since I was in a professional atmosphere. Could you offer any tips on interviewing to get a good job at my age and experience level?

Sincerely, New Working Mom,

NWM

Dear NWM,

First you will need to refresh your resume. There are many different styles and templates of resumes to choose from so just pick one you like. Have a friend help you proofread for errors and to make sure you’re not missing anything. Always dress nicely for your interview. It’s better to be overdressed than underdressed. You don’t have to spend a lot to look professional. A professional wardrobe can be crafted from a stop at a thrift store or two. You’ll need at least one white shirt, a black skirt or slacks, nylons, and black pumps. This should get you through your interviews and the first day on the job.

Asian Chicken Salad

With warmer weather hopefully coming soon, lighten up your dinner with this Asian-inspired chicken salad.

Ingredients:

4 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon toasted sesame oil
1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breasts
1/2 head Napa cabbage, thinly shredded
1/4 head red cabbage, shredded
1 large carrot, shredded
3 scallions, trimmed and thinly sliced
2 cups fried rice noodles

Dressing:

2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil
1/3 cup rice wine vinegar
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon minced ginger
4 tablespoons canola oil
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon sweet chili sauce
1/4 cup sliced almonds, toasted